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When mom wants to quit: self care for mom

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Today I don’t want to be a mom.

Brie is not in a good mood. Her whine is annoying and I just want to put her and the dog outside and not be responsible for any other living being.

I knew that when I decided to become a parent that it would be the hardest job I would do.  But I never thought there would be days that my kid is not one of my favorite people.  And today is one of those days. I don’t know if it’s because I feel so helpless or useless.

Maybe it’s because my identity as a person has changed and I struggle with finding balance between my role as Mom and my old role as Tiana. I love my daughter and I’ve had way more good days than bad. But today I’m sitting here praying that she takes a nice long nap so I can only think about myself for a little bit.

On days like today I become so frustrated with myself.

And it’s because of my frustration with Brie. I often feel like I have to put on the happy face to others because I feel guilty for these negative feelings.

We live in a world where social media moms make this parenting thing look so perfect.

Don’t you just love the posts when the kid is sitting in the perfect pose? Or doing something way above the developmental age? Or my favorite, the moms that have the full face of makeup, spotless house, and homemade dinner on the table every night!  I have concluded that I am NOT that mother!

The reason Keyona and I decided to start this blog is to show others that this parenting thing is a roller coaster of highs and lows.

And on some days the lows can be depressing.

Moms do not talk about the days spent in the car crying because you want to walk away from your child. Or the countless times you spent eating in the car because the baby finally fell asleep and you need your five minutes of sanity. Let’s not talk about the bottles of wine I tell myself I’m going to consume, but I find myself knocked out right after the baby goes to sleep.

Today is the day I have to channel my inner therapist and force myself to utilize the self-care techniques that I teach to the children and families I work with daily. I decided to stop stressing over the undone laundry, my disorganized house, and all the things I should be doing, and do some things to help me to feel better. I needed self care for mom time.

In the end, if I am able to take care of myself, I can be a much more effective mom.

Throughout the past year I have slowly learned that I have to make self-care a priority for me.  It is so easy to get caught in the routine of working and being a mom. And then I forget about taking care of me.

This is even more complicated for me because I am in a helping profession and my entire day is dedicated to focusing on the care and needs of others.

As I watch my daughter grow into her own independent little person, I realize that it is OK for me to take the time to do a little bit for myself.

As I look back on the ups and downs of the past year, I am proud of myself for making it this far.

And I am determined to be the best me so that I can be the best wife and mom for my family.

So today I decided to….take a nap while Brie was napping. I got my hair done. And I caught up on a tv show while daddy was occupying Brie.  I took a hot shower and thought about nothing.  And I ate something I liked and chose not to feel guilty about it!

And I finished this blog post because writing is very therapeutic for me.

Some self care for mom honorable mentions that I did not get to do today include:

  • having a glass of wine
  • going for a walk with or without the baby
  • cook (for me this is relaxing but I know others look at it as a chore)
  • taking 5 minutes to do a mindfulness exercise (I am a therapist during my day job!)
  • spend time with family/friends
  • go for a drive
  • or just do something that forces me to laugh!

As a working mom it is so easy for me to get caught up in routines and the little time I have during the day. I know that in order for me to be the best mom I can be, I have to find time to take care of me. It reminds me that I am an individual and a mother.

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